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Wolfenschnitzeltron

by Wolfenschnitzeltron

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1.
Burgertime 02:28
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BURGERTIME SUPER-SIZED EXTRA FRIES TOY SURPRISE MICKEY-D'S ON MY KNEES SAY PLEASE FAST FOOD IS BAD FOR YOU THIS WE ALL KNOW BUT SO GOSH DARN EASY WHEN YOU'RE ON THE GO SO ENJOY YOUR FAST FOOD IT ISN'T A CRIME EAT WHAT YOU WANT CAUSE RIGHT NOW IT'S BURGER TIME BURGERTIME BURGERTIME BURGERTIME HOLD THE PICKLES HOLD THE LETTUCE SPECIAL ORDERS DON'T UPSET US COMBO MEAL WHAT A DEAL GET REAL DEEP FRIED THEY LIED MILLIONS DIED CHORUS X2
2.
Theme to Wolfenschnitzeltron 01:14
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THEME TO WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON
3.
You Sank My Battleship! (Of Love) 02:24
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YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP! (OF LOVE) B2 WAS JUST A GAME TO YOU D8 YOU DIDN'T HESITATE BUT F4 I GUESS THIS MUST BE WAR IT'S A DIRECT HIT YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP OF LOVE HIT BY A MISSILE WITH THE WINGS OF A DOVE YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP OF LOVE NOW I'M FULL OF RED PEGS FUCK MILTON BRADLEY B3 YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD BOARD ME F1 TAKE MY BOOTY AND RUN, BUT G9 I KNOW THAT I'LL GET MINE IT'S A DIRECT HIT CHORUS F5 THIS SUBMARINE'S GONNA DIVE G4 WON'T BOTHER YOU NO MORE, BUT B1 JUST WHEN I THINK WE'RE DONE IT'S A DIRECT HIT CHORUS
4.
Dinosaur Party 04:23
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DINOSAUR PARTY WELL I WAS WALKING THROUGH THE WOODS AND WHAT DID I SEE A STEGOSAURUS CAME A CHARGING AT ME, A-COME ON WELL HE STOPPED JUST SHORT OF TRAMPLING ME I JUMPED THROUGH THE BUSHES SO THAT I COULD SEE WELL THEY HAD LOTS OF PIZZA AND THEY HAD LOTS OF BEER THEY LOOKED KINDA SCARY BUT THERE WAS NOTHING TO FEAR DINOSAURS DANCING TILL THE BREAK OF DAWN I JUST COULDN'T WAIT TO GET UP ON THAT JAWN COOL REPTILES, MAD STYLES, SHARP SMILES DINOSAUR PARTY ALRIGHT TASTY EATS, SLAMMIN' BEATS, REALLY SWEET DINOSAUR PARTY TONIGHT RED CARPET, DRIPPING SWEAT, DON'T FRET DINOSAUR PARTY ALRIGHT BODACIOUS, VERY GRACIOUS, QUITE SPACIOUS DINOSAUR PARTY TONIGHT WELL I GOT A DRINK AND CUT A RUG SAW A CUTE PTERODACTYL THAT I KIND OF DUG WE DANCED REAL CLOSE TILL HER BOYFRIEND SAW HE GRABBED MY TORSO WITH HIS MASSIVE JAWS HE SQUEEZED AND HE SQUEEZED BUT HE WOULDN'T LET ME LOOSE I SAID HEY HOMESLICE CAN WE HAVE A TRUCE? HE SAID "I'M A CRUNK DINO "AND I DO WHAT I LIKE "YOU'RE BANNED FROM MY PARTY "SO GO TAKE A HIKE" CHORUS OH SHIT HERE COMES THE PREHISTORIC CHORUS SHIT GETS ROWDY; IAN MALCOM SAYING "AUDI" IN HIS FORD TAURUS WE'RE USED TO SEEING DINOS IN THE FORM OF BONES BELOW US BUT NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN DRIVING DOWN THE STREET WE SEE TYRANNOSAURUS THROW DOWN YOUR WEAPONS IT'S NO USE TO TRY AND FIGHT CAUSE THOSE WHO WANNA STEP GET EXTINCT LIKE TRILOBITES SO PEACE OUT GOLDBLUM THERE'S NO NEED FOR THEORY CHAOS DINOSAURS BE COMING BACK FROM THE DEAD WITHOUT A SÉANCE FORGET THE MILITARY AND FUCK THE GODDAMN COPS CAUSE WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON ATTACKS THREE-PRONGED JUST LIKE TRICERATOPS THE KICK, SNARE, CRASH GOT US THINKING THERE'S A CHANCE THAT HUMANKIND WILL WIN THE BATTLE THROUGH THE POWER OF DANCE BUT WHAT'S THIS? IN THE DISTANCE I HEAR A ROAR SOUNDS LIKE A HUNGRY AND PERSISTENT CARNIVORE I'M THINKING THAT HE'S PROBABLY TRYING TO SCORE A MEAL THAT'S HEARTY BUT TO MY SURPRISE INSTEAD I HEAR HIM SCREAMING DINO PARTY EJECTED FROM THE PARTY I WALKED BACK HOME BUT A DILAPHASAURUS HAD STARTED TO FOAM I DODGED THE SPIT AND CLIMBED UP A TREE WHAT A CRAPPY WAY TO END A DINO PARTY CHORUS
5.
The Illegal Underground Lazer-Tag League 02:39
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THE ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND LAZER-TAG LEAGUE BOUGHT A LIGHT-GUN PACKING HEAT DROP THROUGH A MANHOLE UNDER THE STREET RATS ALL AROUND YOU YOU ZAP'EM REAL GOOD INITIATION INTO THE BROTHERHOOD, OF THE ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND LAZER-TAG LEAGUE GO TO THE THREE HOUSE, THEY'LL GIVE YOU WHAT YOU NEED THE SECRET PASSWORD IS "JUSTIN BAILEY" IN THE ILLEGAL UNDERGROUND LAZER-TAG LEAGUE SOMEONE HITS YOU FALL TO THE GROUND CAUGHT OFF GUARD BY THE PIERCING SOUND CHEST REFLECTOR DETECTS THE LIGHT YOU JUST LOST FIVE POINTS BUT YOU'RE DOING ALRIGHT CHORUS THEY SEALED THE MANHOLE COVER WE WERE TRAPPED UNDERGROUND IT TOOK TWENTY YEARS BEFORE WE WERE FOUND THE BLINDING LIGHT OVERPOWERED OUR SENSES WE COULD HARDLY SPEAK FORGOT ALL OUR VERB TENSES WE MET YOUR MAYORS AND WE SHOOK THEIR HANDS WE WENT TO YOUR CONCERTS AND WE SAW ALL YOUR BANDS BUT THEY ALL SUCK SO BACK WE GO THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY WE MUST FORGO CHORUS
6.
Ronald Raygun 02:52
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RONALD RAYGUN HE CAME FROM BEYOND THE BIG DIPPER SOME FOLKS CALLED HIM THE BIG GIPPER THE PEOPLE GATHERED ROUND SHOCK AND AWE HE WENT INTO IRAN LAID DOWN THE LAW HE WAS THE NEO-CONSERVATIVE ZIGGY STARTDUST FOR MOST OF THE 1980S HE QUADRUPLED THE NATIONAL DEBT BUT WAS STILL MUCH LOVED BY THE LADIES RONALD RAYGUN, HE WAS AN ALIEN RONALD RAYGUN, (LASER NOISE) RONALD RAYGUN, A GREAT AMERICAN RONALD RAYGUN, OUR PRESIDENT HE WORE A BUSINESS SUIT BUT HAD PINK HAIR A NONDESCRIPT WHITE HOUSE HIS SECRET LAIR THE EVIL EMPIRE THAT'S WHO HE FOUGHT BORIS AND NATASHA THAT'S ALL WE GOT CHORUS IN 1984 RE-ELECTED NUCLEAR HOLOCAUST WAS EXPECTED BUT RONNIE SAVED US HE TALKED TO RUSSIA SO YOU CAN SAFELY SHOP AT KING OF PRUSSIA CHORUS
7.
Kindergarten Kocaine 03:26
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KINDERGARTEN KOCAINE I'M A GERBER-GUZZLING BITCH NOT FIVE YEARS OLD MY NOSE IS KINDA ITCHY BUT MY RHYMES IS PRETTY BOLD I TRIED MARIJUANA BUT IT WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH LIKE WEIRD AL SAID "I JUST WANT THE WHITE STUFF" WELL THERE'S A STRAW UP MY NOSE AND A BARBIE IN MY HAND MY PARENTS TRIED TO GROUND ME BUT THEY JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THEY SAY IT'S JUST A PHASE AND I'LL GROW OUT OF IT BUT MEANWHILE I'M GONNA GET FUCKED UP AS SHIT KINDERGARTEN KOCAINE MADE ME GO INSANE KINDERGARTEN KOCAINE IT WENT STRAIGHT TO MY BRAIN SHOULD HAVE BEEN FRUIT-SNACKING BUT I WAS NOSE-PACKING FOAMING AT THE MOUTH AND TRICYCLE-JACKING AND THE BERENSTAIN BEARS ALL OVER MY UNDERWEARS BUT I'M STILL SNORTING COCOA UNDERNEATH THE STAIRS WHEN I GET THE SHAKES I KNOW WHAT I LIKE THAT "WACKY DUST" ALWAYS TREATS ME RIGHT IT'S NAP-TIME AT THE CRACKHOUSE WE'RE ALL PASSED OUT ON THE FLOOR WAKE UP AND HAVE A JUICEBOX AND THEN GO AND SNORT SOME MORE CHORUS IT'S KINDA IT'S KINDA IT'S KINDA BUBBALICIOUS WELL I WAS SNIFFING WHITE POWDER AND EATING CLAM CHOWDER DON'T THINK THE DRUM MACHINE CAN GET ANY LOUDER SMASH THE PIGGY BANK WE'VE GOT JUST ENOUGH FOR ONE YOU AIN'T A REAL MAN WITHOUT A NOSEBLEED SON CHORUS
8.
The Boy Who Cried Wolfenschnitzeltron 03:16
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THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON I WAS THE LONE TEENWOLF IN THE PERSIAN GULF THE HEAD OF MY PLATOON UNTIL A SINGLE SILVER BULLET ALMOST GRAZED MY MULLET WHILE I WAS HOWLING AT THE MOON BUT THE GUYS JUST WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME ABOUT THIS BRAND NEW BAND I'D HEARD THE NAME OF THE BAND THAT I KEPT ON SINGING WAS JUST A BIT TOO ABSURD, NOW I'M THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON A QUICK DISCHARGE AND A PLANE BACK HOME I WAS ON THE STREETS OF PHILLY I PLAYED A MP3 FOR SEAN AGNEW BUT HE SAID "MAN THAT SHIT'S TOO SILLY" A MANIC STREET PREACHER, A SKEEZY SEX-ED TEACHER I TRIED EVERYTHING I COULD TO GET THE WORD OUT TO THE PEOPLE THAT WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON WAS GOOD CHORUS THERE ARE 70 MILLION WOLF BANDS IN THE KNOWN UNIVERSE WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON IS BAD BUT AIDS WOLF IS DEFINITELY WORSE IRONIC POPPED COLLARS SLAMMIN' HIPHOP DOLLARS! I HAD TO SELL DRUGS TO SURVIVE BUT AFTER TEN YEARS I'D EARNED ENOUGH MONEY TO SEE WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON LIVE WELL LONG STORY SHORT THEY REALLY SUCKED WHAT A BUMMER I KNOW BUT THAT'S OK 'CAUSE I GOT A GAT AND SHOT THEM AFTER THE SHOW, CAUSE I'M THE BOY WHO KILLED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO KILLED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO KILLED WOLFENSCHNITZEL I'M THE BOY WHO KILLED WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON
9.
Cellphone Conversation 02:20
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CELLPHONE CONVERSATION WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW OR DO YOU HAVE A FASHIONABLE HIP POUCH WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO GET OFF THE COUCH WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW CAN IT TAKE PICTURES, BE USED AS A FLASHLIGHT? WHAT'S IN YOUR POCKET RIGHT NOW CONNECTING YOUR PELVIS TO AN ORBITING SATELLITE IT'S GOOD IN AN EMERGENCY THE CORPSE IN THE TRUNK HAS STARTED TO SMELL WELL IT'S GOOD IN AN EMERGENCY AND THAT DINO BITE HAS STARTED TO SWELL WELL IT'S GOOD IN AN EMERGENCY I'M DIALING YOU FROM THE SEVENTH TIER OF HELL WELL IT'S GOOD IN AN EMERGENCY YOU CAN DRUNK-DIAL LASSIE IF YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A WELL CELLPHONE CONVERSATION (I WANT ANOTHER) CELLPHONE CONVERSATION (I NEED ANOTHER) CELLPHONE CONVERSATION (BUT CAN YOU TELL ME) DO YOU HOLD IT, OR DOES IT HOLD YOU? WELL WE GOT ALONG FINE BEFORE BUT I GUESS IT'S THE SAME WITH ALL INNOVATION WELL WE GOT ALONG FINE BEFORE A TELEPHONE BOOTH IN EVERY GAS STATION WELL WE GOT ALONG FINE BEFORE YOU COULD AVOID YOUR DISTANT RELATIONS WELL WE GOT ALONG FINE BEFORE THE FIRST PCS SERVICE IN THE NATION CHORUS (CONVERSATION BETWEEN STRUDEL-TRON AND MICHAEL KASSLER-TRON) CHORUS
10.
Time-Traveling Pyramid 02:33
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TIME-TRAVELING PYRAMID IT APPEARED ONE NIGHT RIGHT UP IN THE SKY BEAMED US ABOARD BUT WE DIDN'T KNOW WHY THERE WAS MR. PEABODY AND MARTY MCFLY AS THE DOOR SWUNG SHUT I STARTED TO CRY MR. PEABODY SAID "SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAP "'CAUSE THERE'S BEEN A BIG CHRONOLOGICAL MISHAP "THE TIME CRYSTAL'S STOLEN AND I GOTTA ADMIT "THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM'S IN REALLY DEEP SHIT" SO WE ROCKETED BACK TO 5 BILLION B.C. JUST IN TIME FOR A DINO PARTY BUT ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY GOT REAL SICK THE DINOS WERE DROPPIN' SO WE PEACED OUT QUICK BACK TO THE FUTURE TO FIND BILL AND TED BUT THE 12 MONKEYS GOT THEM, THEY WERE ALREADY DEAD THE TERMINATOR SAID "IT'S NOT A TUMOR" HE MIGHT BE RE-ELECTED BUT IT'S ONLY A RUMOUR, ON THE TIME-TRAVELING PYRAMID TIME-TRAVELING PYRAMID WE GOT SOME HOVERBOARDS AND CRUISED ALL AROUND BUT THE STUPID TIME CRYSTAL JUST COULDN'T BE FOUND WE REENTERED THE PYRAMID TO A STRUGGLING SOUND ALL THE OTHER CREWMATES HAD BEEN GAGGED AND BOUND MR. PEABODY WAS BEHIND IT ALL BECAUSE THERE WAS THE TIME CRYSTAL UNDER HIS PAW HE SAID "YOU PLAYED INTO MY PLANS, YOU STUPID FOOLS "THE PAST IS RE-WRITTEN SO NOW DOGGIES RULE" IT COULD'VE BEEN WORSE WE ALL AGREED 'CAUSE NOW NO ONE WOULD CARE WHERE WE PEED, ON THE TIME-TRAVELING PYRAMID TIME-TRAVELING PYRAMID
11.
8-Bit 02:02
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8-BIT WELL I'VE JUST ABOUT MASTERED BATTLETOADS AND I'VE GOT THE BEST SCORE ON OFF-ROAD AND MY PHASER'S SET TO STUN MODE AND MY DIARY IS IN BINARY CODE AND I DRANK ALL MY ECTO-COOLER BACK WHEN I WAS A PRE-SCHOOLER GOT A REALLY COOL PURPLE RULER FROM MY BIG BROTHER FERRIS BUELLER 8-BIT, WHAT A GREAT FUCKING DECADE 8-BIT, SPENT IT ALL AT THE ARCADE 8-BIT, I REMEMBER THE FIRST GRADE 8-BIT, WHAT A GREAT FUCKING DECADE WELL I JUST BEAT DR. WILY WITH RYU, KEN, BLANKA, AND CHUN-LI GONNA WATCH THE NEVER-ENDING STORY 'CAUSE MY MOM BOUGHT SOME FRUIT ROLLUPS JUST FOR ME CHORUS DONKEY KONG JR. BIT MY HAND OFF AND I LOOK LIKE BORIS KARLOFF NIGHT-RIDING WITH DAVID HASSELHOFF AND E.T. GAVE ME WHOOPING-COUGH CHORUS A IS FOR APPLE; J IS FOR JACKS A IS FOR APPLE; J IS FOR JACKS A IS FOR APPLE; J IS FOR JACKS A IS FOR APPLE; J IS FOR JACKS I COULDN'T GET OUT OF CHORUS GOT A KICK TO THE GROIN FROM CHUCK NORRIS GOT A TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TORTOISE AND I JUST BOUGHT SOME DRUGS FROM ZACK MORRIS CHORUS
12.
Going to the Zoo 03:32
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GOING TO THE ZOO I'M GOING TO THE ZOO HOW ABOUT YOU I'M GOING TO THE ZOO YOU CAN COME TOO I'M GOING TO THE ZOO IT'S GONNA BE GREAT TO WATCH ALL THOSE MONKEYS MASTURBATE I'M GOING TO THE ZOO ZOO ZOO ZOO I'M GOING TO THE ZOO FOR A PONY RIDE OR MAYBE THE CAT HOUSE I JUST CAN'T DECIDE I'M GOING TO THE ZOO GOT MY FANNYPACK I'M GOING TO THE ZOO AND I AIN'T NEVER COMING BACK CHORUS THERE'S A FIRE IN THE MONKEY HOUSE THERE'S A FIRE IN THE MONKEY HOUSE THERE'S A FIRE IN THE MONKEY HOUSE THERE'S A FIRE IN THE MONKEY HOUSE CHORUS

about

RECORDED AT 9 LOCATIONS THROUGHOUT THE GREATER PHILADELPHIA AREA.
PRODUCED BY WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON
MASTERED BY KEVIN FRANCIS AT POLARITY SOUND
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LYRICS USED BY PERMISSION, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. THE COPYRIGHT IN THIS RECORDING IS OWNED BY BURGER TIME RECORDS LTD, C 2008 BURGER TIME RECORDS LTD.

credits

released January 1, 2010

CASTLEVANIATRON - KEYTAR, SYNTHESIZER, DRUM PROGRAMMING, VOX
MICHAEL KASSLER-TRON - KEYBOARDS, DRUM PAD, COWBELL, EFFECTS, VOX
STRUDEL-TRON - BASS GUITAR, EFFECTS, VOX
MUSCLE-TRON - SYNTHESIZER, BASS, VOX
MASKED TRON - KEYBOARDS

MC TRILOBYTE APPEARS COURTESEY OF ARISTA RECORDS.

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INSTRUMENTS USED:
TYCO HOT KEYZ, CASIO SK-1, YAMAHA PSR 170, REALISTIC RAP-MASTER, MULTIVOX MX-880, CONCERTMATE-470, YAMAHA DD-20C, AKI-CHAN'S KEYBOARD, KARL'S BASS GUITAR, COWBELL

AND
BOSS DR.GROOVE DR-202
PROGRAMMED BY WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON

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THANK YOU:

JAMES WEISSINGER, MICHAEL KASSLER-TAUB, MATT STETZ, BEN SCHURR, JEFF KROLL, JESSE LEE, JAMES CHAPPEL (TRONTRON 2020 USA), LEWIS BAUER (INTERN-TRON), TAL NOZNISKY (WINDOWS 95-TRON), KARL BLUMENTHAL (WEST COAST VIDEO-TRON), PETER BARISH (INTERN-TRON II), ERIC (ERIC), FAUXFETUS, POPE JOHN PAUL II, WYNNE RECORDS KIDS, HAVERFORD, VASSAR, BRYN MAWR, WHRC, WOLFTRON ROADIES, THE STAKEHOUSE, THE DOJO, 409 HAUS, CAW!, THE PREGNANCY, DINO, SQUINCHY & HOOT OWL, BRIAN, BREN, FAILED ALLIANCE, BIRDS OF PREY, CRIPPLED DETECTIVES, HOWARD'S DILEMMA, ASHLEY, LIZ TURNER, SANDLER TWINS, BRENDA, GERMANTOWN, SLAIGHT/SCHNUR/DRESKIN, GRACE, MATT TURBYFILL, ARIEL PINK, CLAPPY ROSS/A THREE RING CIRCUS, AKICHAN, RADIO SHACK, KEVIN FRANCIS, LEWIS, PENGLISH, SEX PIANO, BIANCA, KCHENG, BROOKS & JESS, BENDER, SCLEARMAN, OLIVER, ISAAC, KACY, ASHER, ROSS LERNER (TINA TURNER), DAN GRANT (AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL), NATE, ANTON, ALL TYLER KIDS, DAVID OSTRO, LP & ALEXANDRA, PHIL PIRES, MATT MESICK, DAVE MATTHEWS & EDDIE ARGOS, KLYMAXX, LEEJAEWON, JACOB WATERS, DUNCAN, THE ROBKIN, AND THE MARGOS.

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Wolfenschnitzeltron Ardmore, Pennsylvania

Chased through the glittering neon streets of Germantown by Mecha-Dracula II, Castlevania-Tron stumbles upon the 1990 Tyco Hot Keyz keytar, thought lost for hundreds of years. Uniting with other likeminded youths, he forms Philadelphia's only Teutonic synth-rock group...WOLFENSCHNITZELTRON. ... more

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